As I was cleaning and dusting today with my rubber gloves and disinfectant spray, I kept feeling that I may not be doing this whole stay at home thing right.
Why? Well, I have yet to figure out a schedule for myself - instead lurching from working too long, to binges of Netflix, to eating, to cleaning, to thinking about when my next trip to the grocery store may be and if my mask is the right kind, and back to working to repeat some version of the cycle again in no particular order.
I know it's probably not true but as I look at social media and reports on TV, it seems that most people have managed not only to be highly creative during this time but also to exercise, educate, cook like the Barefoot Contessa and sing like Broadway stars.
A friend remarked recently that she isn't nearly productive as she thought she would be with all this time on her hands and that she feels guilty not doing more. It seems even when we are literally doing nothing, we worry that others may do nothing better than we do.
All this time to contemplate your life can be stressful. Most people I know before we were house-bound, were wishing for more time - time away from work, time to rest, time to relax and time to just do nothing. And here we are.
Maybe the situation we find ourselves in suffers in comparison to the images of all the essential workers out there working to exhaustion. This time has been a major awakening. I know I will never go to the grocery store again without mentally (and often verbally) thanking the cashiers, without noticing the people stocking the shelves and the delivery drivers, without saying a silent thank you to my postal workers, the woman at the drive-up window of my bank and so many more, including of course all the health care workers.
So, as I decide whether or not I need my latex gloves along with my mask before I go downstairs to use the shared laundry in my building, I do so giving myself permission to feel a bit disoriented, as if I've stepped into a surreal landscape that has shapes and boundaries yet to be determined.
When what needs to be known remains unknown, we are forced back into the present - the only place that truly exists. This week I invite you to join me in the messy present - get comfortable with it, make it your own and know there is no standard you need to meet to get through this time.
Stay in. Stay well. Stay safe.