I was just reading a story in People Magazine about Chynna Phillips seeking treatment for overwhelming anxiety.  Daughter of Michelle and John, sister to Mackenzie, member of Wilson-Phillips of the 1990s, Chynna, like so many modern superwomen, seemed to have it all under control, yet was losing the inner struggle of her daily juggling act. Expectations can be crushing when you need to be perfect at everything – the perfect wife, the perfect mother, the perfect friend, the perfect business woman.  And those words – under control – that we so often use, hide one of the biggest myths of the American woman’s life. 

A few years ago when I was rushing from one to-do task to another, while looking at the to-dos ahead of me for the rest of the week, I kept hearing the ominous chords of the music from Jaws revving up.  I couldn’t shake the feeling that somewhere behind me, just out of range of sight, a large killer shark was about to eat me whole. Little did I know that the shark was my own and others’ expectations of who I should be, what I should want, how I should manage my life.  And that sucker was hungry!!

Fast forward to the snowstorm this week in the Northeast.  The area I live in had several power outages that were sustained for a good bit of time.  The world outside was incredibly beautiful, silent and dense.  Inside I had candles lit and all the time in the world to be with myself.  And what did I notice?  Uh-oh, there it was – what can only be called anxiety – anxiety over losing all the distractions of daily life – no TV, radio, lights – no email, twitter, facebook – and even . . . no phone!!!  I was out of communication – off the grid – unplugged from the network – did I still exist??!!  I truly didn’t know what to do with myself.

Sometimes it takes a snowstorm to let you know you haven’t quite managed to feel at home in your own skin.  Most of us women run around complaining we don’t have enough time to focus on our own needs or to get enough sleep or to do everything we want to do.  Yet, when the time is given, I bet there are more than a few of you who would join me in noticing something disturbing just beneath the surface.  Yikes – time to myself – not time chosen mind you but time imposed.  Time for and by myself that I hadn’t planned – good god – unplanned time with my inner being – did I really want to get to know her that well???  I wasn’t sure.

How did they do it in the old days?  Picture those idyllic scenes of the non-automated life with the lovely house and picket fence, early to bed and early to rise – and, I’m guessing, just as cuckoo then as we are now.  I think it’s a woman thing.  We are so good at our natural ability to connect that we tumble right over those boundaries of being responsible for everyone else’s life and happiness.  And, when we are not focused there at work and home, we feel somehow guilty or adrift just getting to know who we truly are. 

The pain Chynna Phillips was in that led her to seek treatment is the pain of the lost self – lost in a sea of busyness and endless responsibilities that never seem to stop.  At the end of the day, the self can only be reclaimed through action.  And, as it always is, that action is choice.  So, just for today, think about the choices you are making in your life right now.  The truth is we have to say yes to those people, activities and commitments that feed our being and, here’s the hard part, say no to the rest.  It’s the only way to have a real sense of balance about ourselves, 

Each day is a vessel full of potentiality, possibility and infinite choice.  Use each one wisely.  As for me, I’m choosing to put reconnecting with my inner being high up on the list.  I want to be ready to party with her during that next big snowstorm.